Chapter 4Fading Echoes: The Day I Left

I sat in the study, letting the wind blow over me all night, still unable to figure out what to do.

Julian woke up around seven o'clock. He rubbed his temples and pushed open the study door.

Wearing dress pants and a light blue dress shirt, his broad shoulders and narrow waist were accentuated. I was never one to obsess over looks, but I was still often caught off guard by how handsome he was.

Seeing me sitting there, he paused and asked what was wrong.

I shook my head:

"Nothing. I'm planning to ask for some time off from the company."

Julian smiled and reached out to ruffle my hair:

"You can just quit if you want. It's not like I can't support you."

I gently dodged his hand.

Julian's hand hovered awkwardly in the air before he retracted it, looking a bit unnatural:

"Why the time off?"

"I'm just tired lately."

It was a valid excuse for a working adult. I had been grinding for nine years; it was about time I felt tired.

I had been working part-time since freshman year of college. When we first graduated, I was the one supporting Julian.

Back then, Julian had cut ties with his family to start a business with his best friend. We were renting a tiny apartment and living paycheck to paycheck.

To save fifty dollars on rent, I took a subway commute that was an hour longer. For an 8 AM shift, I had to wake up at 5:45 AM. When I worked overtime until 9 PM, by the time I got home and washed up, it was already past 11 PM. I would fall asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

Back then, we had neither time nor money. At our most extreme, Julian and I went an entire week without speaking a single word to each other.

But no matter how late, he always came home.

Once, he forgot his keys. I woke up in the middle of the night, realized he wasn't beside me, checked my phone messages, and opened the door to find him asleep outside.

He was afraid knocking would wake me, so he just decided to catch some sleep out in the hall.

Our poorest time was the winter of our first year out of college. My company delayed my salary for two months, and by the end of the year, we were genuinely broke.

That day, Julian came to pick me up at the subway station.

We walked across the overpass from the station. A new hot pot place had just opened underneath.

Spicy beef tallow broth was their signature dish. There was a long line, and the steaming, fragrant mist hit you right in the soul.

Julian said that when we had money, our very first meal would be hot pot, right at that place. We’d order a split pot—mild beef tallow and tomato broth—and ten plates of sliced lamb.

"Why ten plates?"

"Five to look at, five to eat," he said.

"Gross. I refuse to eat hot pot with someone who orders a split pot."

"How can you be so prejudiced against half-and-half broth? I don't even judge people who put pineapple on pizza..."

Before Julian could finish, he choked on his own saliva and started coughing violently. I panicked and patted his back.

While I was patting him, our eyes met. We suddenly started laughing. We laughed so hard we doubled over, drawing stares from people passing by.

Thinking back now, I don't even know what was so funny. We were probably just finding joy in our misery.

Later, we finally had some money, but that hot pot place had closed down. We never got to eat there.

Once you start reminiscing, it's hard to stop.

Thinking about the past, my eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

"Why are you crying?" Julian suddenly panicked, hurriedly wiping my tears. "Don't cry."

"It's nothing. I just don't want to go to work. I'm too tired."

I leaned against him.

"Be good. You rest up. If management doesn't approve your leave, we'll just quit, okay?"

Julian crouched down and looked at me very seriously. The gentleness in his eyes was almost overflowing.

Eight years had passed. The impulsive, reckless rich kid had grown into a mature man.

I knew I shouldn't, but looking at his face, I couldn't bear to let go.

I hesitated, but still reached out and tugged his shirt slightly:

"Julian... could you stay with me today...?"

I thought to myself, If he stays with me, I'll lay everything out and explain it to him clearly.

Whether we break up or stay together.

We’ve been together for eight years; there has to be a resolution.

"I have a very important meeting today, but I'll come back early. You catch up on sleep, binge a show, read a book, and I'll be back before you know it, okay?"

I let go of his shirt.

Julian tucked me in, kissed my forehead just like he always did:

"Be good and get some sleep. I'll do all the dishes this month, deal? Next month is your birthday, I'll buy you whatever you want, okay?"

I nodded, and Julian finally relaxed.

I watched him gently close the bedroom door, followed by the sound of the front door closing.

I was alone again.