Chapter 3The Kite and the String

Julian didn't give me his card number, but I still went to the bank to print a statement.

The next day, I gathered my courage and went to the hospital with the bank card.

But Julian's ward was empty.

Actually, I knew Julian wouldn't accept it. I just wanted an excuse to see him again.

But he didn't leave me a single chance. Once he discovered my presence, he vanished without a trace.

Sometimes I couldn't help wondering what I did wrong.

I never threw tantrums or made scenes with him. Just how much did he hate me to avoid me like the plague?

"Compared to manipulative scumbag women, men actually hate submissive love-brains more. Like a plaster you can't shake off, clingy and disgusting."

In the bar, my friend downed her cocktail in one gulp and poked my forehead: "Talking about you, love-brain!

"Sometimes I really want to dissect your brain to see its structure. How can you be so devoted and unrepentant to a man rotten to the core!"

I held my glass and refuted her seriously: "First, I'm not a love-brain. Except for Julian, I've never loved another man in my life. Second, Julian isn't a rotten person. He's especially good."

My friend rolled her eyes in disgust: "Seriously, I thought after so many years you'd at least sober up a bit. Didn't expect you haven't changed at all. Hopeless. Suggest burying you alive."

I smiled and stopped refuting her.

Every friend of mine has scolded me for not being clear-headed.

I also explained to every friend that I'm not unclear-headed; I know exactly what I'm doing.

I'm not a love-brain. Julian was really, really good to me before.

"Every love-brain says that. But look at what Julian did? Cheated, two-timed, hooked up with another woman in your rented apartment, blocked your number. You begged him to reconcile, waited at the bar entrance for a whole week, and he didn't even show his face."

"You don't understand. Without Julian, not only would I not have gone to college, I wouldn't even be alive today."

I downed half a bottle of wine. My alcohol tolerance has grown over the years, but mixing red, white, and beer tonight made me a bit tipsy.

I lay on the bar counter, pulling my friend's arm and pointing at the male dancers dancing hotly in the center of the dance floor: "My tuition and living expenses for four years of college were earned by Julian dancing night after night like that.

"He could earn six thousand a month back then. Five hundred for rent, five hundred for living expenses, and the rest was spent on me.

"He actually got into college, but my parents didn't want to pay for my education. Julian said, anyway, the college he got into wasn't good, so he wouldn't study. He went to work to support me.

"After college graduation, my parents wanted me to marry someone for the dowry. Julian borrowed from all his friends to gather the dowry money.

"So I am Julian's wife. He paid the dowry; I'm going to marry him."

The music was still noisy, but my friend seemed drunk, lying beside me without a word.

I was quiet for a long time, then said: "So, actually, it's normal for Julian to want to leave. I, this burden, dragged him down for too long."