Chapter 3My Secret Identity as the Hollywood Bot

During the promotional cycle, "visibility" was the only currency that mattered. The night before the premiere, the three leads—Nate, Hailey, and myself—were scheduled for a live stream.

The chat was 90% Nate and Hailey stans. The names "NATE" and "HAILEY" scrolled past so fast they became a blur.

Occasionally, a stray comment would pop up:

“Who’s the girl in the middle?”

“I think it’s June Rivers?”

My name is Jade. Thank you so much.

I sat there like I was on a bed of nails. The host was a seasoned industry shark who knew exactly where the power lay. He laughed with Nate and flirted with Hailey, treating me like a prop that happened to be in the frame. I just sat there, forced into a permanent, vacant smile.

The chat: “June’s smile makes her look like she’s internally screaming.”

I was internally screaming. I was wondering why I was even there.

Finally, the host turned to Nate. “Nate, any fun stories from the set?”

Nate smiled—that devastating, million-dollar smile—and then, to my shock, he turned to me.

“Actually, my favorite memory is the first time I met Jade.”

Wait. Did he just call me "Jade"?

I perked up, my curiosity matching the sudden spike in the chat’s speed.

“It was late,” Nate said, leaning back. “We were doing a table read, everyone was exhausted, and the energy was just… heavy. I tried to lighten the mood with a joke. It wasn’t a good joke. It was terrible, actually. Everyone gave me that polite, awkward pity-laugh. I was dying inside. Then, Jade spoke up.”

He looked at me, his eyes crinkling. “She said, ‘Haha! That jest was remarkably clever. The construction was innovative, the delivery was vivid, and the unexpected subversion of expectations created a profound comedic effect. Truly stellar.’”

The chat exploded:

“Wait, that phrasing…”

“Why does she sound like the NPC Queen??”

The host was leaning in now. “And then? What happened?”

Nate laughed. “And then, for the first time that night, everyone actually laughed. For real.”

The host shifted the mic to Hailey. “Hailey, what about you? Any ‘Jade stories’?”

Hailey tilted her head, then burst out laughing. “Oh god, yes. It was during the big stunt sequence in the third act. I twisted my ankle on the wires. Jade took me to the ER, got me my meds, and then went back to finish her scenes. She kept texting me to check in.”

She mimicked a robotic voice: “Jade asked, ‘Are you feeling better?’ I said yes. She said, ‘That is good.’ Then she asked, ‘Have you taken your medication?’ I said yes. She said, ‘That is good.’ Then she asked, ‘Do you require assistance with your leave of absence?’ I said no, I’ll be back in a day. She said, ‘That is good.’ Finally, I told her, ‘Thanks so much, I really appreciate you.’ And she replied, ‘Your wellness is my happiness.’”

The host nearly fell off his chair laughing.

I was genuinely confused. “Is that… is that not how normal people talk?”

The chat:

“LMAO Jade is actually a bot.”

“Is her phone set to auto-reply??”

“Did she work in tech support before this?”

“Is this a bit? Please tell me this is a bit.”

The live stream ended in a roar of laughter. For the first time, people weren't asking who I was.