Chapter 2My Secret Identity as the Hollywood Bot

I got bolder. I started commenting on everyone from A-list legends to viral pets. I even leaned into the bit and changed my handle to @TheAuthenticBot.

A travel influencer posted a family vacation photo.

I commented: “Such a wholesome tableau! The mutual support and care within this unit are evident. From the mundane details of daily life to these grand vistas, happiness permeates every frame. You are fortunate to possess such a foundation.”

The replies were a synchronized wave:

“The Bot has spoken.”

“She’s everywhere.”

“The NPC Queen’s reach is terrifying.”

When Hailey Quinn posted that photo with her dog, I hit her with the "Kindred Spirits" line.

When Nate Cross promoted our upcoming show, I went for it: “Wow! The narrative architecture is sublime, the plot is a masterclass in tension, and your performance is simply transcendent. This is destined for peak viewership!”

Then I froze. Shit. That’s my show too.

I went to delete it, but it was too late. The thread was already hundreds of comments deep.

“First row! Everyone line up for a selfie with the Bot!”

Someone even posted a meme of a girl with pigtails holding a vintage camera.

My heart plummeted. My burner account was a perfect disguise, but the risk of exposure was rising. I was hovering over the delete button when Brenda called.

“Have you seen @TheAuthenticBot’s latest comment?” she asked, her voice buzzing with excitement. “She’s the biggest thing on the internet right now. Quick, go interact with her from your official account. We need to piggback on that heat.”

The irony was so thick I could choke on it. I was being told to clout-chase myself.

“I don’t know, Brenda,” I stammered. “I’m an actress. She’s… she’s a meme. It feels a bit desperate.”

Brenda didn’t hold back. “Jade, this is your third lead role, and nobody knows who you are. To be blunt, that bot has ten times the cultural relevance you do. Move.”

My ego took a direct hit. Under Brenda’s metaphorical gun, I logged into my official account and replied to my own bot comment.

“Sincere praise is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you, @TheAuthenticBot, for the thoughtful recommendation! I hope everyone tunes in!”

The top replies to my "sincere" comment were:

“Who is this?”

“Oh, it’s that actress they keep trying to make happen. I can never remember her name.”

“Look at her trying to trend off our NPC Queen. Cringe.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.