Chapter 3The Night Before the SATs

"Mom... Harper is gone." I heard Mason's voice. He was choking up. But shouldn't he be happy? He could finally have everything. No more worrying about me taking a tiny corner of his world. But he looked sadder than I imagined.

"Mom!" Mason's voice cracked, rising into a cry. "Harper is dead."

Mom fainted. Her current husband picked up the phone to tell us. Turns out, Mom's best friend died of cancer two months ago. Mom was emotional. She hadn't recovered from that, and now she got the news about me. The stepdad scolded Mason for being insensitive. Mason just nodded, saying "sorry" over and over.

I crouched beside him, a ghost in the room, crying. I was so bad. I was torturing Mom again.

Back when Mom used to visit, she liked to tell me, "Birthing you took so much out of me. It hurt like hell. I was barely eighteen, and your dad didn't have a dime." "Harper, I carried you for nine months. You are a piece of my heart. How could I not love you?"

I believed she loved me. I was sorry it hurt so much to have me. But every time she talked to me, after mentioning the hardships, she only talked about that new little brother. I knew he didn't eat fat on his meat. No onions. No eggs. No milk. I knew he wet the bed at eight. I knew he had a crush on a girl named Bella. I knew he liked to sleep next to Mom. She told me all of it. I had never met him.

Mom didn't really like talking to me because I was boring. I just listened silently. I never knew what to say. She loved chatting with Mason. Everyone said Mason had a sweet mouth.

By the time Mom arrived, my body had been prepped. She leaned over the viewing table, crying without sound. It hurt to watch. Dad tried to support her. She slapped his hand away.

"Why did she jump?! How were you taking care of her? Why? Why did she do it?" Mom was gasping for air, her words broken.

Nana started to speak. Pop-Pop cut in, his voice cold. "You're the mother, and you blame us? She wrote that you didn't like her. Said you only loved your son. That you didn't want her. She couldn't take it, so she jumped."

Mom froze. Her mind seemed to shatter. She stumbled backward. "She... she said that about me?" Her beautiful face was streaked with mascara.

I didn't! I rushed forward, trying to explain. I just wrote that Mom loves the little brother so much. I wished Mom loved me like that. I wished she talked about me like that. Pop-Pop lied.

Mom collapsed to the floor, wailing. I tried desperately to lift her, but my hands passed through her shoulders. Thankfully, Mason and Dad caught her. Mom hugged Mason and screamed, pounding her chest. I was awful. Mom was going to blame herself forever. Losing a best friend, then a daughter. I couldn't imagine how broken she was.

The crematorium was burning my body. I went back home. I tried again and again to burn that diary, but I couldn't touch it! Wind blew through the open window, flipping the pages.

It landed on an entry: "It's great. Dad bought a condo. Three bedrooms. Pop-Pop said to put Mason's name on the deed so he can get a wife later." "I didn't dare ask if there was a room for me. They never looked at me when they talked about it." "But that's okay. Dad worked hard for it. I'll save money and buy my own house one day."