Chapter 4The Sunrise Doesn't Wait

Julian was still casting around for a solution when he turned and caught sight of me.

He grabbed my arm and pushed me toward the bed.

"Lena, apologize to Clara. Ask her to let us take her to the hospital."

The past came up in my throat and I couldn't breathe around it.

He saw my face, and he went down on his knees.

"Lena, please. I can't stand listening to her cry."

I looked at the man in front of me, and my eyes blurred.

Lena, please stay alive. If you make it through this, I'll spend the rest of my life paying you back.

The man who'd said that and the man kneeling in front of me slid into each other until they were one.

I gagged, shoved him off, and ran.

He came after me down the whole corridor, caught my hand, insisted I go back with him.

I stopped, and I slapped him as hard as I could.

The crack of it emptied the world of sound.

He held his cheek and stared at me, confused.

"Lena, how did you know the way out here? How did you know where my face was?"

"You... you can see?"

"When you told me to go find a taxi, why didn't you stop and ask whether I could see the road? Now my hand's landed on your face and it hurts, and suddenly you've got a question."

I couldn't hold the anger down and went to hit him again. He caught my wrist and pulled me hard against him. "Lena, this is wonderful. You can see. This is wonderful."

His voice shook, like he'd gotten back something he'd given up for lost.

And in that second it went through me like broken glass, because I finally heard what was underneath it.

Lena, it's crowded out there, and you're blind, and taking you out only embarrasses me.

Lena, you're not young anymore, you're not as pretty as you were, I don't want pictures with you.

Lena, you can see now. Thank God. I don't have to spend the rest of my life paying for it.

...

I opened my mouth and no sound came out. My chest closed until every breath tore.

He was still patting my back, delighted.

The tears came without warning. I wasn't crying. My body had just stopped taking instructions.

The world went quiet again, and two sentences played on a loop.

"I'm so sorry. We couldn't save the baby."

"I'm sorry. We don't know when the bleeding behind your eyes is going to clear."

He took my silence for surrender and kept talking.

"Lena, we have to celebrate this properly. But first we've got to get Clara sorted out. Come back in with me, we'll ask her together to go to the hospital. I'll say it gently. I won't put any of it on you.

"And then I'll take leave, cancel everything, and we'll go watch the sunrise. All right?"

He sounded like a man handed a second life.

I laughed at myself instead. He hadn't even noticed that my getting my sight back had to wait its turn behind Clara's allergic reaction.

His heart had made its choice a long time ago, without asking him and without asking me.

Now it was my turn to choose.

I stepped out of his arms and scrubbed my face dry.

"Except I don't want to watch it with you anymore."

"What?"

He looked completely lost.

I took a step back and let my voice go colder.

"Julian Gyver."

"We're done."