Chapter 2My Online Boyfriend Is A Snake

The little snake probably wasn't used to human body heat. Tucked against my chest, he got totally dizzy and looked a bit out of it.

I scrambled to find a clean cardboard box and gently placed him inside.

He finally snapped out of his daze, but for some reason, he looked completely crestfallen.

Just totally lethargic.

I couldn't let his beloved pet die on my watch.

I immediately went online, hunted down the contact info for a premium exotic pet store owner, and paid an absolute premium to have a luxury, temperature-controlled terrarium delivered and set up in my apartment that very night.

I carefully placed the little snake inside.

Looking at him, a funny thought crossed my mind. He looked exactly like a billionaire CEO waking up in his thousand-square-foot California king bed.

I snapped a picture and sent it to my MIA boyfriend.

Still no response.

Considering he had already spent roughly half a million dollars on me over the course of our relationship, I decided to be patient.

I went to take a shower.

Squeaky clean and wrapped only in a fluffy towel, I walked over to check on the snake.

The moment he saw my bare shoulders and legs, he frantically turned his little head away, visibly flustered.

Oh my. What a perfect gentleman of a reptile.

Now, let me see if you are a boy or a girl.

I had looked it up online, and the internet told me you could figure out a snake's gender by checking the base of its tail.

It felt a little intrusive.

But curiosity got the better of me.

Ignoring the snake's frantic squirming, I gently but firmly held him down and inspected his underside.

Wow.

He was a male, and a surprisingly well-endowed one at that.

I couldn't help but let out a cheeky wolf whistle.

The little snake struggled so hard his top hat popped off and his bowtie went crooked. He finally scrambled into the far corner of the tank, staring at me with a look of absolute, violated betrayal.

I cooed at him, offered a few words of comfort, and happily went to bed.