Chapter 1My Sister

When I was ten, for my sister’s birthday, she wanted a porcelain doll.

My father said, "Go on, slap your sister, and I'll buy it for you."

And so, I took a hard slap across the face.

When I was seventeen, my father sent my sister to study abroad but refused to pay for my college.

I begged him for days. He threw fifty dollars at me. "I don't owe you a damn thing, Elara."

When I was twenty-seven, my sister returned from overseas, took a liking to my husband, and began to subtly, and not-so-subtly, flirt with him.

My father sneered at me. "If you can't keep a man, that's your own failure."

Yes, they all preferred my sister, Rosalie. The one with the fancy degree and the sweet-talking tongue.

Even my own son.

On his fifth birthday, my son, Leo, wanted to go to the amusement park, but not with me. He said I was too bossy.

My husband, David, joked with him. "Go give Mommy a slap. If she gets mad, she won't go. Then we can go with your Auntie Rosalie."

And my son really did walk over and slap me.

The sound was sharp and loud.

I just stood there, stunned.

Until my son’s voice piped up again, "Daddy, is she mad now? Can I go to the amusement park with Auntie Rosalie?"

* * *

David took our son to the amusement park without telling me.

When they came back, Leo was holding a small, cheap-looking stuffed toy. He held it out to me timidly, not saying a word.

His eyes, however, kept darting toward David.

As if to say: I did what you said to make her happy. Why is she still ignoring me?

I was in the dining room, packaging the desserts I had just finished baking.

David walked in and saw the scene, his brow furrowing in disapproval. “Elara, are you really going to stay mad at your own son this long over a joke?”

He ruffled Leo’s hair. “He was thinking about you the whole time we were at the park today, and this is the look you give him?”

I glanced down at the crudely made, cheap toy in Leo’s hands.

On my phone, which was sitting on the table, was a message from my sister, Rosalie, sent just before they’d walked in: [Are you seriously jealous of me over Leo again? Why have you always had to turn everything into a competition with me, ever since we were kids?]

[But I won’t hold it against you. We saw one of those scan-a-code-win-a-prize things at the park, so I had David get one for you. Just take it and get over it, okay?]

David took the toy from Leo and pushed it toward me. “Elara, don’t be childish in front of him.”

I sealed the last bag of cookies and finally looked up at David. “I’m not angry.”

I took out a small cookie and offered it to Leo. “Help Mommy taste-test this, okay?”

Leo looked at the rabbit-shaped cookie. “Mommy, you used to only make the little bear cookies I like.”

“Oh. I got tired of those. Wanted to try something new.”

I started for the door.

David called after me, “Where are you going this late?”

“I have some things to take care of.”

I put on my shoes, not bothering to give him the usual detailed report of my whereabouts. I just told Leo, “Remember to brush your teeth after your dessert. Mommy won’t be here to tuck you in tonight.”