Chapter 3What We Lost

Not long after Serena left, giddy with her five-figure hair clip, an exhausted Leo finally fell asleep.

While the nanny was busy in the other room, I retrieved the hairs from the trash can. My tug must have been forceful enough; nearly every strand had a follicle attached. I sealed them in a small labeled bag. I then pulled out a few of my own hairs and put them in a separate bag.

Leo’s hair was too fine to see the follicles clearly, so I decided to wait until he woke up. I’d clip his nails and put them in a bag along with a few strands of his hair.

When Philip got home from work, I told him I needed to go to the hospital for a check-up. For the first time in months, he showed a sliver of concern.

“If you’re really that tired, we can hire another nanny, or have our moms take turns helping. You can’t keep pushing yourself like this.”

I took a sip of water to hide the bitter taste that rose in my chest. If I hadn’t spent my pre-motherhood years forging a will of iron at my old job, the last few months would have completely broken me. If it weren't for the bizarre events of today, his sudden kindness might have moved me to tears.

But now, all I could think about was Leo calling him “Daddy” and Serena “Mommy.” My heart felt like a block of ice.

We’d been sleeping in separate rooms ever since Leo was born, so my sleepless nights wouldn’t disturb Philip’s rest and affect his work the next day. But because I’d mentioned my heart, he volunteered, for the first time ever, to have Leo sleep with him for the night.

The next morning, a refreshed-looking Philip placed Leo in my arms. “This kid really knows how to behave. I told him he couldn’t be fussy last night, otherwise Daddy would be too tired for work, and he actually slept through the whole night!”

I managed a weak smile and looked down at Leo, whose big eyes stared back at me.

And then, the voice.

【Of course I’m gonna be good for my real dad. But you? The nanny? I’m going to make your life hell! It’s all your fault Mommy can’t live with us!】

Before the nanny could clean the guest room, I searched every inch of the bed Philip had slept in, finding what I needed.

Serena arrived early. After giving her a few instructions, I walked out of the apartment alone.

Breathing in the fresh air, I felt a wave of dizziness. I was almost in a trance.

How long had it been since I’d really looked at the sky? How long since I’d felt the sun on my skin?

All I did was have a baby.

How did I lose control of my entire life?

I had a friend who worked at a DNA testing lab. I paid extra for a rush job. He’d probably seen situations like mine a thousand times, because he didn’t ask a single question, just took the samples and personally oversaw the process.

He told me the earliest I could get the results was tomorrow. With that, I went to the hospital. My heart really was giving me trouble. For months, the longest stretch of sleep I’d gotten was less than three hours. I was a wreck of anxiety and exhaustion, my hair falling out in clumps. My days started with a baby’s cry, and my dreams were filled with his incessant wails. I couldn’t even imagine what state I’d be in if I didn’t have a nanny to handle the housework and lend a hand when I was overwhelmed.

“Your cardiac ischemia is quite severe,” the doctor said, his expression grave. “You need to fix your sleep schedule immediately. If you let this continue, you’re at high risk for sudden cardiac arrest.”

When I got home, Serena was on the couch, holding Leo as they watched TV.

When I repeated the doctor’s warning, she fell silent for a long time.

“Mia, you have to hire more help. I’ll come over more often, too. You can’t keep going on like this.”