Chapter 4The Zion Itinerary

On the plane, Jenna and I re-worked the plan. After we landed, we called the outfitter we’d booked and changed our five-person guided trek to a two-person rental. By the afternoon, we had our gear and were standing at the trailhead.

The sun was intense and the wind kicked up dust, but we had prepared for this. Instead of being beaten down by the trail, we felt energized, more alive with every step. Under the vast, empty sky of the desert, all my drama with Liam felt so incredibly small. All the doubts I’d had were being baked away by the sun, and looking at the incredible scenery around me, I was flooded with gratitude.

Thank God I didn't back down. Thank God I was here.

Jenna and I made a silent pact not to mention Liam's group. We were giddy, consulting our map, taking pictures of every cool rock formation, and just enjoying the moment.

My phone buzzed a few times. Liam. I checked the time. They would have landed and settled into their resort by now. He was probably calling to "make peace." That was his move. He’d throw a punch, then offer a band-aid. He’d be incredibly dismissive of my feelings, then smother me with fake concern and soft words later.

I used to fall for it every time, getting trapped in a cycle of self-doubt. Maybe he doesn't mean it. Maybe he's just bad with words but really cares about me.

But in that moment, looking out at the canyon, I suddenly saw it with perfect clarity. There's no such thing as a tough exterior with a heart of gold. The moment the words left his mouth, that was him. That was the real person. The only reason he kept me around was because he couldn't stand the thought of losing his personal doormat.

The buzzing was annoying me. I’d already called my parents to let them know I’d landed safely. There was no one else I needed to talk to. I switched my phone to airplane mode and focused on taking pictures with Jenna.

As dusk settled, we reached the mouth of a canyon and set up our small tent. The temperature dropped fast. We pulled on our down jackets as the first stars pricked the darkening sky. Soon, the whole night was a glittering, silent, magnificent canvas.

Unable to reach me, Liam started calling Jenna. She was changing, so she put it on speaker. His voice, tinny and anxious, filled our tent. "Where's Maya? Why isn't she answering her phone? Where are you guys? Are you safe? Tell her to stop pouting. The resort here is amazing. She should just book a flight over. We saved a room for you."

Jenna just said "Piss off," and hung up.

We looked at each other and burst out laughing. Under the breathtaking blanket of stars, I felt a strength inside me that I’d never known before.