Chapter 2You Wanted Muscles I Wanted Peace

If I stayed another second, the tears would have spilled over.

In the bathroom, I splashed freezing water onto my face over and over again. The cold droplets rolled down my jaw, soaking into my collar, freezing against my collarbone. I stared at the eighteen-year-old reflection in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, raw.

This wasn't a dream. Lola and I had both come back. Only this time, she had decided I wasn't worth choosing.

When I walked back into the classroom, Zack was sitting in my seat next to Lola, looking entirely too comfortable. I stopped by the desk, my voice cold. "Move."

He bit his lip, casting a helpless look at Lola. "But... Lola told me to sit here."

Right on cue, Lola walked in, holding her insulated thermos. "I told him to sit there. He's my boyfriend now, so of course he sits next to me." She pointed toward Zack's old desk near the back. "Go sit over there."

When the teacher had first assigned seats, she was the one who had begged to sit next to me. She'd said, "You're too small, Dan. Someone's gonna bully you. I'm here to protect you."

I didn't say a word. I grabbed my backpack from my old desk, and under the stunned gazes of our classmates, I walked straight to the very back row.

"What is he doing? Is Dan going to sit with Maeve?"

"Even if he wants to, there's no way Maeve is going to let him."

Lola's brow furrowed, her eyes following me.

I tapped on the wooden desk in the back corner. The girl buried in her arms slowly blinked her eyes open, looking up at me. Her gaze was detached, cold, carrying a faint trace of annoyance at being disturbed.

"Can I sit here?" I asked.

She stared at me for a beat, then closed her eyes again, turning her face away. I pulled out the chair and sat down.

The whispers around the room didn't stop until the bell finally rang, plunging us into a tense silence.

I opened my textbook, but my mind was a chaotic mess. My eyes kept drifting toward Lola. She was resting her chin on her left hand, her gaze locked onto the side of Zack's face. A soft, contented smile played on her lips. She used to look at me just like that during lectures. She’d say, "You know when you're the most adorable, Dan? When you're actually paying attention to the teacher." After we got together, the look remained. "Dan, you're so pretty. I just want to kiss you." And after we got married: "Husband, I want to be with you in this life, the next life, and every life after that."

Suddenly, a packet of tissues appeared on my desk. I looked down, only to realize a dark, wet circle had bloomed on the page of my textbook. Maeve had already pulled her hand back, leaning lazily against her chair, looking straight ahead as if she hadn't done a thing. Her voice was a low, dry murmur. "If anyone walks in, they're going to think I bullied you."

Two lifetimes added up to nearly a century of living, yet here I was, crying like a baby in front of an eighteen-year-old girl. The grief was quickly swallowed by a wave of pure mortification. I wanted nothing more than to sink through the floorboards.

When the final bell rang at the end of the day, Lola walked over, carrying Zack's backpack over her shoulder. Her tone was casual, almost indifferent. "Go on home without me. I'm walking with Zack today." She took two steps, then paused, looking back. "And don't you dare tell my parents I'm dating someone."

She turned back to Zack, her face lighting up with an effortless smile. "Come on, I'll take you to get those amazing churros down the street."

Lola loved those churros. In our past life, she dragged me there every single afternoon. But now, she had someone else to share them with.

I had spent the entire afternoon drowning in misery, but as I watched them walk away, something clicked. I understood now. Even if she had loved me fiercely in another life, that was a past that no longer existed here. I needed to let go. I needed to move forward.