Chapter 4I Can’t Handle His Love

I had already found a new apartment online.

I hailed a cab with my two suitcases. As I settled into the back seat, my phone rang.

It was Nathan. “Even if we break up, can’t we at least be friends?” he asked, his voice full of a bitter sadness.

“I’m only just realizing what a terrible husband I’ve been.”

“For the past two years, I’ve taken you for granted. I haven’t taken care of you.”

“No wonder you left me. I was awful.”

“Clara, I’ll change. I’ll be the man you fell in love with again. I’ll be even better.”

“I won’t let you down again.”

I sighed. “There’s no point, Nathan. We’re done. We don’t need to see each other again.”

I hung up.

I adapted to my new life with surprising ease.

I was busy. Organizing my new home, buying furniture, focusing on my job, studying for certification exams in my spare time. My days were full from the moment I woke up until my head hit the pillow.

It was a happy kind of busy.

I never thought about Nathan.

Not once.

I didn't care about his life, his relationships. I thought we would never see each other again. The world is a big place. Our paths had diverged.

But one day, I came downstairs and saw him.

He had found my new apartment.

“What are you doing here?” I blurted out.

“Coming home,” he said, pointing to the apartment across the hall.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m not.” He held up a grocery bag. “I just bought some things for hot pot. Want to join me tonight?”

“Nathan, are you insane? Why would you move here?”

“I’m not insane. I’m being perfectly rational.” He was actually smiling.

“You’re an adult. You have your own home. Why are you wasting money on rent? This place is on the opposite side of the city from your office. You’re almost thirty, why are you acting like a child?”

He just smiled. “I’m glad you still care about me, Clara.”

I tried to leave, to check into a hotel, but he wouldn't let me. He grabbed my arm and tried to drag me back to our old home.

“That’s not our home anymore.”

“Nathan, you can’t un-ring a bell. Let’s get a divorce.”

“Why are you so obsessed with getting a divorce?”

He just couldn’t wrap his head around it. In his mind, I was the one who was always accommodating, the one who couldn’t live without him.

We’d been together since college. He was the student body president, handsome and brilliant, with a legion of admirers. I was the quiet, studious girl. Everyone said I was punching above my weight.

To be honest, at first, he thought so too.

If Sophia hadn’t gone abroad to study, I never would have had a chance.

So he couldn’t understand why I would want to leave him. He thought he was doing me a favor by choosing me. And a charity case has no right to make demands.

He was searching for an explanation. He thought I must have found someone else.

“Clara, are you just trying to punish me for neglecting you? I swear, I’ll never do it again. I promise!”

“Can we just drop the divorce talk for now?”

He tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away. The thought of him and Sophia made my stomach turn. I wanted nothing to do with him.

That evening, he showed up at my door with several containers of food he had cooked himself.

My heart sank when I saw the plate of shrimp.

I’m allergic to shrimp. After all these years, he still didn’t know. I never ate seafood.

I just ate some plain rice. He thought I had no appetite and tried to put a shrimp on my plate.

“I’m allergic to shrimp,” I said flatly.

His chopsticks froze mid-air. He retracted his hand awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Clara. I do remember, I just… my head’s been all over the place tonight.”

“It must be because you mentioned divorce. You can’t joke like that again.”