Chapter 2The Accidental Upgrade

I stared at the phone in silence. The "future husband" on the wallpaper didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

I tried to rationalize it. I’m a decent-looking guy. Maybe the photo got out online and became a stock image or a meme, and the seller just happened to use it. As for the birthday... plenty of people are born on the same day. Coincidence.

The seller’s panic seemed genuine, albeit dramatic. "She cries if she doesn't see him." Sounds like something a middle schooler would write in fanfiction.

I texted back: "Okay. I'll return it."

I knew it was a mistake. My first instinct was to give it back. I didn't want them calling the cops. I just started my tenure-track teaching job. I needed stability, not a grand larceny charge.

The seller sent a string of crying emojis and "Thank yous."

"You're a lifesaver!" "I'll wait for you at the mall near the Elementary School. It should be close to you. Call me when you get there."

"Deal."

I grabbed the expensive laptop and headed to the mall. I scanned the entrance but didn't see anyone matching the seller’s vibe. I was about to call.

Then I saw her. Lily Bennett. One of my students.

She was staring at her oversized pink smartwatch, stomping her foot, looking nervous as hell.

Seeing her triggered a memory from this morning. She had cornered me during recess, whispering: "Mr. Hayes, do you have a girlfriend?"

I shook my head. "No, Lily."

She clapped her hands and dragged another boy, Noah, over to me. She looked up with dead serious eyes. "Mr. Hayes, I have two options for you..."

She paused, checked a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket, and continued. "Option one: You become my brother-in-law. Option two: You become his uncle-in-law. Pick one."

I didn't process it immediately. Then I remembered Lily is Noah’s aunt.

Noah chimed in, waving his arms. "Yeah! My aunt is super pretty, super nice. She’s tall, like 5'9", she’s a cop, and she’s got a great... personality!"

I laughed. They were trying to set me up. But I didn't take a third grader’s matchmaking seriously.

I held up two fingers. "I’ll give you two options. One: Double homework. Two: Triple homework. Pick one."

They went silent. Lily’s face paled at the mention of homework. She grabbed Noah and bolted.

Now, seeing her at the mall, I wanted to hide. Lily was a chatterbox. I didn't need another "Choose your own adventure" dating proposal.

I turned around, pretending to inspect the sky, then my shoes. Don't make eye contact.

"Mr. Hayes!"

Too late. She sprinted toward me on her short legs, waving frantically. "What a coincidence, Mr. Hayes!"

Then her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "You're not waiting for a girlfriend, are you?"

I rubbed my temples. I looked around. No parents. It was 7:30 PM. Sun was setting.

I crouched down to her level. "What are you doing here? Where are your parents?"

Lily flashed her smartwatch. "I may look like I'm loitering, but I am actually protecting my sister's love life... and my own life!"

She was so dramatic.

"Does your mom know you're here? It's getting dark."

Lily pointed to a sleek luxury car parked by the curb. "It's fine. The driver is right there."

I nodded. Then I remembered why I was here. I hadn't found the seller yet. I dialed the number from the chat.

The next second. Lily’s smartwatch started ringing.