Chapter 1Let Go of the Final Result

Because I was dead broke.

That was the only reason I took a side hustle acting as a digital diary for some trust fund kid.

I spent hours chatting with him online, listening to him pour his heart out about the girl he was madly in love with.

Then one day, he suddenly sent me a photo of her.

[Isn't she gorgeous?]

I froze. I actually knew her.

It was Randee, the undisputed queen bee of our junior class.

I didn't overthink it. I just kept playing the ultimate wingwoman, giving him advice on how to win her over.

Until today, when I received his final message.

[You are amazing. Girls really do understand girls best!]

[She said yes! We are officially dating!]

[Anyway, I am deleting this account now. Goodbye!]

Attached was a wire transfer for fifteen thousand dollars.

I genuinely wished him the best, but I declined the money.

The very next night, after study hall ended.

I was walking down the quiet corridor when I accidentally stumbled upon Randee kissing a guy in the shadows.

My breath caught in my throat.

I knew the broad line of that boy's shoulders better than I knew my own reflection.

It was Asher. The boy I had been secretly in love with for five agonizing years.

* * *

So, the guy I had been messaging every single night.

It was Asher.

For a moment, I didn't know whether to marvel at how terrifyingly small the world was, or just laugh at my own sheer stupidity.

I had known Asher since middle school.

Well, it was more like a completely one sided acquaintanceship.

Back then, he was in homeroom five and I was in homeroom two, separated by an entire stretch of linoleum hallway.

Every ten minute passing period.

I would drag my best friend from the east wing all the way to the west wing restrooms, just for a chance to walk past his classroom and catch a glimpse of him.

Even back then, he was taller than everyone else his age. He would lean casually against the balcony railing, his uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows, always tilting his head slightly when he listened to someone speak.

My friend would nudge me. "What are you always staring at over there?"

I would just smile.

"The view."

When it came time for high school applications, I secretly tracked down his first choice and enrolled in the exact same academy.

I knew he hated plain milk and was obsessed with blueberry yogurt.

I knew he never paid attention during lectures.

But his grades were flawless anyway, and he spent most of his time sketching aimlessly on scrap paper.

I also knew that whenever he came back from playing basketball during gym class, he would always take a long drink of water before sitting down.

He never missed when he tossed his empty plastic bottles into the recycling bin across the room.

I could not stop myself from watching him every single day.

But I never saw a single sign that he was in love with someone.

And now, there was absolutely nothing I could do but stand there, watching him kiss Randee.

It was an incredibly restrained kiss, light and hesitant.

The tips of his ears were burning bright red.

It was so raw and beautiful.

I didn't dare make a sound to interrupt them. A dense, suffocating ache spread through my chest.

Taking a subconscious step backward, I shrank entirely into the dark shadows of the stairwell.

In that moment, I realized something. So that is what he looks like when he is nervous.

I had watched him for five years.

I had never seen him look like that.

My mind went completely blank, and my eyes began to sting.

But the tears refused to fall.

Asher finally pulled away from Randee.

He looked down at her.

His fingers slowly slid through hers until their hands were tightly intertwined.

Randee bit her lip, smiling shyly. "Asher, you..."

He looked at her and let out a soft laugh.

"Don't worry. It is dark out, nobody can see us."

"Yeah."

Suddenly, I hated myself.

I hated that my vision was so sharp.

I could see everything perfectly.

Asher's smile was soft and incredibly gentle.

It was entirely different from the polite, distant smiles he gave everyone else.

I let out a shaky sigh and was just about to turn away.

Suddenly, a voice echoed right behind me.

"Sadie, why are you just standing here in the dark?"

"What are you looking at?"