Goodbye, Mr. Weaponized Incompetence

Ethan is the boyfriend everyone calls a good guy: he doesn't smoke, doesn't party, and comes straight home after work. So when Chloe's flu sends her fever to 102°F, he takes over the kitchen and orders her to rest. Within half an hour he has called her five times about garlic and steak, and she walks in to find a flooded counter, a half-raw steak, and her charred Le Creuset Dutch oven — a gift from her friend Harper.

This is not a one-time accident. Flour storms, ruined silk blouses, greasy plates and half-mopped floors have all ended the same way: with Ethan whining that he doesn't know how, that she should teach him, that she should just do it herself. Three years of housework have quietly become hers, while their friends still see the perfect boyfriend.

Sick, aching and exhausted, Chloe finally says one word — useless — and Ethan's tears make him the victim. The next morning the kitchen still reeks, and he waits on the couch to be fed. Then Chloe picks up the ruined pot and walks toward the trash chute.