Chapter 1I Took Their Advice… And Ran With My Child

How do you tell your husband you're pregnant with style when you're in the middle of giving him the silent treatment?

Naturally, I turned to the internet for help and decided to follow the advice of the true experts: the seasoned romance novel readers with a decade of tropes under their belts.

Their plan was flawless. Step one: Run away with the baby bump in tow. Step two: The dramatic morning sickness reveal at the dinner table. Step three: Schedule a fake abortion and list his number as the emergency contact…

It all went perfectly... until I saw him completely lose his mind.

And that's when I realized: Wait a second. I think I might have taken this a little too far.

* * *

Good news: I’m pregnant.

Bad news: We’re in the middle of a cold war.

How was I supposed to tell my husband, Alistair, without completely losing face?

I posted a picture of the positive pregnancy test online and asked for advice. The internet’s good Samaritans did not disappoint; within moments, my phone was flooded with thousands of replies.

【Just send him the picture and tell him the baby’s gone. It froze to death from the cold shoulder you two were giving each other.】

【Stand in front of him and declare solemnly: ‘We are not alone in this fight.’】

【Make a grand comeback in five years with quintuplets.】

【Tell him: ‘Come here. Kneel. I have something to tell you.’】

…

This generation of netizens really comes through when you need them. I watched the comment count skyrocket, marveling at the sheer number of good people in the world.

Among the tens of thousands of comments, a few top-voted ones caught my eye.

【Do the classic runaway pregnant wife plot. I’ve been reading romance novels for ten years, trust my expertise.】

【First, schedule an abortion and list his number as the emergency contact. Then, you can sneak over to my city and cover my shift at work.】

I conveniently ignored that last part.

【At dinner, make a few gagging noises in front of him, then run to the bathroom.】

The repeated claims of “ten years of novel-reading experience” filled me with confidence. I glanced at the unanswered messages I’d sent Alistair, the memory of his cold, indifferent face fueling my anger. With a decisive tap, I blocked him.

Enjoy the blocklist while you’re busy with your work, you clueless blockhead.

I’ve got a very big surprise waiting for you.