Chapter 3My Husband Begged Me to Cheat on Him

What stage comes after utter despair? I had no idea.

After leaving that place I once called home, I encountered a drunk man trying to grope me. He chuckled, staggering closer. "Hey there, beautiful, where are you off to? Let old Mike give you a ride."

He reached out to grab me. My unfocused gaze settled on him, and a raw, uncontrollable urge for destruction welled up inside me.

Die. Just die. All of you, just die! What’s the point of living? Let’s all just not live!

In his terrified eyes, I smiled and pulled out a fruit knife. For a while, I’d felt a strong sense of dread about everything around me, always fearing someone would harm me, so carrying a defensive tool gave me a sliver of safety.

"What the hell! Are you crazy? What kind of lunatic are you?!"

His eyes instantly cleared, and he bolted. I chased him frantically, hurling the most vicious insults I could muster. My heels broke, so I ran barefoot. I chased him until my feet were raw and bleeding, until he vanished from sight.

I smashed my phone, everything I could smash. It wasn't enough. Still not enough! I desperately wanted to release the destructive fury churning in my chest. Let’s all just go down together, everyone just die! Adrenaline surged, propelling my limbs aimlessly. I don't know how long I walked until I heard the sound of the ocean waves.

I sat on the rocks all night, until the sun peeked over the horizon. When calm finally settled, I thought for a long time. My husband was no longer my lover. My family was no longer my family. I had nothing left.

Everything most important in my life had crumbled, and yet, a strange sense of peace bloomed within me. No expectations, no hope, no anchor. What corresponded to that?

Absolute freedom.

So what if the sky fell? Could it get any worse than this? If you can’t beat them, join them. If you’re seen as an outcast, blend in.

I felt like I heard my soul shattering, replaced by a lightness in my body. The dazzling sunrise bathed me. I clearly sensed something breaking and reforming within me, all emotions peeling away.

Everything became irrelevant.